I should have an 11 year old today!!!

I am kind of shocked by the thought of this statement myself! To think that I should have a daughter in 5th grade, and 11 really blows me away. I don't even feel like I could have an 11 year old. I think it is because I have been in "Toddlerville" for so long now that I can't even remember 11 years ago! I always kind of prepare myself the night before it is Rylan's birthday, because I am not sure how I am going to feel the next morning. This morning, I really didn't think about it first off, it took me a couple of hours. It wasn't until my mom called that I really even thought of it being her birthday today. I think as the years go by, time has dulled the pain of her death, and only leaves behind the few memories of her short year on this earth. I don't really feel sadness anymore for her death, I only feel grateful. Grateful that she doesn't have to live on this earth in a body that would limit her, and grateful that I get to have all of the great children that I am blessed with raising. I don't know that we would have had 4 more kids after her if we had to take care of her earthly limitations. There was only one point today when I actually got a little teary eyed, and that was when I was at Great Harvest having lunch. There was a handicap boy there, in a wheelchair, and my girls started asking why he couldn't talk and why he looked like that. Though I don't know for sure that this is how Rylan would have ended up, I did feel some sort of emotion just thinking of the possibility of it. He was so happy and so unaware of the restricitons his body placed on him. I am so grateful that my daughter got to come, teach us all very valuable lessons, and then return to our Heavenly Father to wait for our return in the Celestial Kingdom. It is an awesome feeling to know that at least one of my kids doesn't have to face trials and hardships to get there, she is already there!

We went tonight and did our normal Rylan celebration at the cemetery. We all go and sing happy birthday to her and then let balloons fly up to her so that she can catch them for her birthday in heaven(that is what the kids think happen to the balloons)! We then have cupcakes and take a picture around her headstone. It is amazing how each year there seems to be another kid in the picture. I was touched by Karlin though, this year. She decided she wanted to leave Rylan a cupcake on her headstone, so that she could eat it when she gets to come back to us. I thought that was so sweet of her.

Happy birthday, Rylan! We love and will miss you always!