My little lady that wouldn't be so little anymore!

The gang this year. Kenzie(7), Karlin(6), Kamren(4), and Daxton(20 months)


Kenzie could never pass up 2 chocolate cupcakes!

Today would have been Rylans, 12th birthday! I think I freak out a little each year that goes by, just with the very thought of actually having a child that old. But, this year was especially poignant! My daughter would be in Young Women's this Sunday with me if she was still alive. I look at those girls every Sunday, and I really can't fathom her being one of them! I am completely aware that she would not really be like any of them, because we have no idea how her disabilities would have affected her as she got older, but it is still mind boggling to me, even at the very thought.

I love all of the questions my girls come up with each year as we do our annual balloon/cupcakes at the cemetery thing. So I am going to share a few of our experiences.

Kamren wanted to know how she got the balloons that we let go, and Kenzie chimed in with,"Of course, the clouds open and she catches them in Heaven".

Karlin is always so worried about the fact that she wants to give Rylan a cupcake too.

And Daxton was just so upset that we made him let go of his brand new balloon that his mom just gave him. He kept trying to jump in the air after it.

I am so grateful for their little testimonies. They undeniably KNOW that they will see their sister again. Every year they ask me again when Rylan is going to come back and how old she is going to be. I know I don't have any idea the answers to those questions, but it is nice that I do have a little guidance from the gospel. In this years manual from the prophet Joseph Smith it reads:

Parents who lose children in death will receive them in the resurrection just as they laid them down.

I quote, "A question may be asked-'Will mothers have their children in eternity? Yes! Yes! Mothers, you shall have your children; for they shall have eternal life, for their debt is paid."
"Children....must rise just as they died; we can there hail our lovely infants with the same glory-the same loveliness in the celestial glory."

To me, those are amazing promises. They give me a new perspective as to how old she is going to be, but it also gives me hope for all of those people whose lost child wasn't an infant. To know that a 2 or 3 year old that was lost, or a child on a mission, or whatever age your child might be, will be brought back just as they were when they died is an amazing promise, and one that I will look forward to!

My favorite section in the Doctrine and Covenants is 137. I love how Joseph explains what he sees and how beautiful the Celestial Kingdom is. I especially like verse 7, where is says" Thus came the voice of the Lord unto me, saying: All who have died without a knowledge of this gospel, who would have received it if they had been permitted to tarry, shall be heirs of the celestial kingdom of God."

At least that is one child I won't have to worry about, she already is guaranteed all of our ultimate goal! I can only hope for all of us in this family, that returning to her and our Heavenly Father remains as important as it is today. I cannot wait to one day look back at this life, and think that I learned a lot from this trial about myself and my Heavenly Father's plan for me. I have already grown a lot from the young 20 year old who had this little girl, and I am sure I have a lot more growing to do from this experience

For now, I am just glad that I have this moment every year to reflect and grow from it.

Happy Birthday, Chunkamunka! Next year she would have been a teenager! Wow